Wedding vows
Today's society places a huge emphasis on freedom: of speech, of thought, of action, of any kind of expression. This attitude allows all sorts of horrible happenings, but it also (in many cases) allows good things that might be squelched in other cultures that care less about freedom. Sometimes, though, the idea of freedom becomes "freedom for the sake of freedom," and it can stifle good and meaningful traditions.
Take wedding vows, for example. People of my generation (I'm 31) tend to use wedding vows as a medium for expressing the intense emotions they feel for an imminent spouse. Instead of reciting the same old vows with the same old words that thousands of other couples have used, marrying couples now state their own feelings to demonstrate to each other and to all witnesses the depth of their feelings.
Personally, I see this as a case of freedom for the sake of freedom. The tradition of wedding vows serves a more meaningful purpose than a mere expression of love. Traditions allow individuals to personally invest in something larger than any single person or couple. My wife and I used traditional vows (minus the King James English) at our wedding:
Minister: John, do you take Jane to your lawfully wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep only unto her, as long as you both shall live?
John: I do.
Minister: Jane, do you take this Man to your lawfully wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Do you promise to you love him, comfort him, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep only unto him, as long as you both shall live?
Jane: I do.
Later, as we exchanged rings, we said the following:
I, John, take you, Jane, to my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.
I, Jane, take you, John, to my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.
I have never heard any personal vows express lifelong devotion quite as well. We wanted to use traditional vows because we had heard them at previous weddings, and hopefully we will continue to hear them at future weddings. The vows I heard spoken at prior weddings made me think about exactly what being married meant. The vows I will hear at weddings in years to come will remind me of the vows I took and reinforce the power of the words.
Whenever I hear a couple taking the same vows that I took, I remember taking them myself. I remember seeing my wife standing in front of me, looking more like an angel than a mortal woman. I remember the overwhelming happiness that we felt from everyone around us. I remember that I pledged my life to her that day. That doesn't happen when I hear something like "My beloved, romance may fade, but true love endures. I choose to truly love you, with kindness, faithfulness, and respect, through every circumstance that life may bring."
Touching, meaningful, romantic sentiments work well in private moments. But for a public wedding, traditional vows express and celebrate the marriage covenant and allow a couple to invest in and perform a vital role in a holy institution larger than themselves and their own thoughts.
