Adultery in the heart
Back in my college days, I used to engage in quite a few philosophical/theological debates with friends and classmates. I remember one particular discussion with a guy I knew from church regarding the seriousness of sins of the heart. He insisted that imagining committing a sin was "the same thing" as committing the sin in the flesh. Greed and lust qualify as sins every bit as much as robbery and adultery, he said. He pointed to Jesus' words in Matthew 5:27–28:
You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery." But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
I tried to argue that lust and adultery are both sins, yes, but not one and the same. I pointed out that you can't contract an STD, conceive a child, or (as long as you're reasonable about it) be caught with your pants down while imagining sex. At that point he held up his Bible and said with more than a little condescension, "You know, when I read this book I take the words in red pretty seriously." Which brings up the question: What did Jesus mean when He said that stuff about lust and adultery?
Here's something to consider when evaluating any rule or commandment in the Bible:
Psalm 19
The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple.
The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.
They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.
By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.
—verses 7–11
In more modern terms, when Jesus said "Don't do so-and-so," He didn't mean to deprive us of fun, as so many people seem to think. He meant to deprive us of pain and suffering. His commands fell more along the lines of "Don't put your hand in the fire" than "Don't do anything you might enjoy." Biblical commandments not only tell us how to live, but also how to get the most out of life. That's what Jesus was doing when He issued His warning against lust. He even punctuated the seriousness of the issue with His next statement:
If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
I don't believe He meant that literally, since there's no record of Him telling anyone specifically to pluck out an eye, and no record of any of the early Christians doing so, as far as I know. I think He meant to underline the importance of keeping yourself pure and cherishing your marriage.
There's no defending adultery. It hurts everyone involved because it breaks the wholeness, the husband-and-wife-becoming-one-flesh-ness, of a marriage covenant. Lust without the physical act of adultery has a similar effect, though in most cases not as destructive, unless of course it leads to adultery as it is often prone to do.
In November of 1976, Jimmy Carter told an interviewer (from Playboy, no less), "Christ said, 'I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery.' I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times." I'm with him on that. So is pretty much every man who has ever lived. I have looked on a lot of women with lust. And what did I gain from it? An aroused but unquenchable desire for an imaginary woman whose potential no real woman could ever meet. What did I lose? A little bit of my ability to appreciate the physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy a wife could offer.
This principle applies even before marriage. My entire adolescence was full of fantasies that still haunt my dreams and even my waking thoughts. Girls that I've kissed still maintain a residence inside my head, periodically popping up to offer a mental distraction. I didn't have sex with any woman before I got married, or else I'm sure that would still be with me as well.
I have found that when I can keep myself from thinking about other women and focus 100 percent of my thoughts and energy on my wife, our relationship deepens, grows, and offers more rewards than at any other time. That, I think, is why Jesus said what He did about lust, and why the act of thinking about a sin and the act of committing it can both wreak havoc and cause harm even without being "the same thing."
The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul.
The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart.
