Individually Dependent
Today's guest blogger is Ron. Ron is the youth pastor at my church and one of my closest friends in New York.
—Curt
What advice can a guy that has been married only a year and a half give on marriage? I will preface the rest of these thoughts by saying that most of what you are about to hear are lessons that I have learned by watching others and that I am still working on myself. I've had three models of married couples that have helped shape what I want to be in a husband. The first and obvious is my parents. The second is Mr. and Mrs. Severance. These were parents of one of my best friends growing up. The last is Ron and Marylin Sears. This was my pastor and his wife while I was in high school. I consider him to be a second father to me.
As I've watched these couples, I have tried to observe and ask questions as to what makes a healthy marriage and how to have effective communication. One thing that they all had in common was what I would call being "individually dependent". What I mean by that phrase is that within each couple, there were two individuals. When those individuals were by themselves they were great people to be around. They were their own person and could function well and had their own personality as an individual. Then when they had their spouse around they were even better. If they were funny, they became funnier. If they were smart, they became smarter. If they were kind, they became even more kind. I think you get the picture.
You see, as married couples we are to complement each other, not paralyze each other. I've seen the negative side work in many instances. I've seen where one individual was bright, funny, happy, and a delight to be around. When their spouse came around, however, they became quiet, subdued, serious, not fun, and well, not themselves. I've also seen where the couple themselves became so isolated with each other that after awhile, they couldn't function without each other. Come on, we've all seen it happen. It's scary.
As a husband, I want to encourage my wife to be the woman that God created her to be. That means that if there is something lacking in her life that might be one of my strengths, I can help her develop that in her life. Also, if she has a strength in her life that is a weakness of mine, she will help me. In her helping me in that area that she is strong already it is actually encouraging her to become even stronger in that area because she is getting a chance to "work it out" just like you would a muscle.
You see, I want to be the man that God wants me to be, and I know that God has brought me a godly woman to encourage me in that. One of the greatest compliments I ever heard was one given to my Pastor. He was out at our college visiting us and his wife was back home. Someone that was with us said to him, "Pastor, I love being around you, but I wish that your wife was here. You're like funny and stuff on your own, but when your wife's around you get hilarious and mischevious and just more fun." To that comment, my Pastor smiled greatly and said, "Thank you so much." You see, we were having a great time with our Pastor and he was his own person when he was on his own, but he was just...better when his wife was around. I want to make my wife better by being around her. Are you working at helping your spouse be better? Start today.
