The reading of books
Periodically I get the chance to buy books for next to nothing. Today I got the chance, so I picked up a book by David and Janet Congo called Lifemates: A lover's guide for a lifetime relationship. Looking through it, I see that it is full of mainly just common sense stuff—commit to each other for life, make your marriage a priority, make yourself vulnerable to your mate, be honest with each other, etc. It contains nothing spectacular, no magic spells for making a marriage perfect. But it did get me thinking about other books that have influenced me.
In my Christian life, the book of James (eighth book from the end of the Bible) made the first and biggest impact on me. Its opening admonition helped make sense of my life as a 14-year-old: "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." The rest of the book contains some of the most practical spiritual instruction you'll find outside the Sermon on the Mount. Some day I'm just going to memorize the whole thing the way that guy in Fahrenheit 451 (another good book) memorized Ecclesiastes.
And speaking of Ecclesiastes, it was the second book that solidified my faith. At the age of 14, it seemed that all the smart people I knew denied the existence of God while none of the Christians I knew could explain their faith intellectually. Ecclesiastes proved to me that someone wise, wealthy, powerful, driven, extravagantly gifted, and thoroughly human could believe in God as firmly as he believed in his own life. I'm 31 now, and the Christians I have known over the past 17 years have put to rest my fears of faith's compatibility with intellect. The vibrant minds of people who love both God and knowledge make even the most accomplished atheists look sickly pale in comparison.
In a similar vein, Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis demonstrated to me how intellect can strengthen faith and vice versa. I have read many books by Lewis now—you can't have a philosophical/theological discussion with Curt and not hear a Lewis quote or two—and find myself eternally grateful that God gave him the gifts of reason and communication and allowed him to share those gifts with the world, and particularly with me. Other notable Lewis books include The Great Divorce and The Screwtape Letters.
As far as marriage goes, one book in particular encouraged me more than I can express. I read If Only He Knew by Gary Smalley a few months before I got married. I didn't intend to read it. I was living with my grandparents for a few months, and one night pulled that book off of a shelf in the guest bedroom I occupied. I don't remember much about the specifics, but it opened my eyes to the possibilities in marriage. I do remember that it explained the concept of the husband as servant-leader of the household, and that camping is the best family activity that has ever existed in the history of the world. Both points made an impression on me that I doubt will ever wear off.
I have never actually read The Five Love Languages, but the very idea behind it helped make me a better husband. In a nutshell: Find out what makes your wife feel loved, then do it; Find out how your wife expresses love, then let her do that. We all express and perceive love differently. For example, my wife feels more loved when I hug her and say "I love you" than when I buy her a gift or do her laundry. I still buy her gifts and perform acts of service, but I want her to feel as loved and as precious as possible, so I focus my efforts accordingly.
I've always loved to read, and I can almost always learn something new and useful and sometimes life-changing from any book. But these are the books that have really put my life on a new course and made me a better person and a better husband.
