Chemicals and marriage
I sometimes have a tendency to think too highly of myself. Case in point: I like to think that I am in complete control of my actions, decisions, and words no matter how I might feel physically or emotionally. Eighteen months ago, my underactive thyroid quickly and firmly disabused me of that notion. For nearly a year, I had been getting tired easily, dissolving into tears for little or no reason, snapping at my wife, and generally being no fun at all. I didn't realize anything was wrong with me until I saw my doctor for a routine physical. She said my thyroid levels were low, prescribed me some medication, and sent me to an endocrinologist. The thyroid condition wasn't serious, so I just continued on the medication. A few weeks after I started taking it, something strange happened. One day, my wife and I were teasing and tickling each other, laughing a lot, and being extremely silly, and I got a strange feeling of nostalgia or déjà vu or something similar. I couldn't quite place the feeling for a while, but then suddenly recognized it. I stopped laughing, looked at my wife, and said, "I'm myself!"
I think it's a credit to our marriage and Mrs. Happy's knowledge of me that she didn't immediately cart me off to the nearest mental hospital. Instead, she smiled sweetly and said, "Yeah. You are." She knew exactly what I meant. I meant that I have always been silly and affectionate with her, that I hadn't been that way for quite some time, and that I had finally returned to that state. However much I wanted to believe that my will is stronger than my body chemistry, that I can be exactly the same person no matter how well or ill I feel, the truth is that a low level of whatever hormones the thyroid produces sent me into a tailspin.
It made me realize that I can't take too much credit for the way I treat my wife. And now I know better than ever that I need to keep working to better myself so that even when I'm at my worst I can still be a good, strong, and happy husband.
