Quality time
I remember one particular weekend before Mrs. Happy and I married. We spent nearly all day Saturday shopping and planning some stuff for the wedding. We spent much of Sunday the same way. On Monday, we attended our weekly premarital counseling session. At one point during the session she said, "I feel like we're not spending enough time together." At first, I was confused. In those days, we actually had very little time apart. But as we talked it over, I realized that her complaint wasn't a statement of fact based on the concrete number of hours we spent in each other's presence, but rather an expression of her feeling that we weren't spending the right kind of time together. Shopping and planning didn't meet her desire for personal connection. As long as our focus was not on each other, the time we spent together did not make her feel loved and cherished.
I remember hearing a pastor speak once about quality time. He told us that he had come to a point in his marriage where he needed to make special, conscious efforts to set aside time for his wife. So he began taking her out on dates regularly. One day, his wife told him that she felt like his work was getting in the way of their relationship. He couldn't understand why. In his mind, he was making sure that work never interfered. Trouble was, though, that he was multi-tasking, making phone calls in the car as he took her on their date. He was letting work distract him from her, therefore invalidating his efforts.
Romantic love and the inner workings of the heart can be bewildering at times. Sometimes love is frustrating, sometimes it's infuriating, but it's always worth it. Find out what you can do to make your wife feel loved. If you don't know, ask. Once you know, do it. And do it a lot.
