An 18-year-old gift from God
by Shelley Switzer
When my friend Curt asked if I could write something for his Web site about being married for 18 years I was thrilled. We just celebrated 18 years of marriage. We also just celebrated our son's 13th birthday, so now we have 2 teenagers in our home and we enjoy them both very much. We also have a 6-year-old who keeps us young. (Or is she making us old? That's a whole other article!)
I sat down to write and now I don't know what to say. Let's see.
It's been the best of times, it's been the worst of times. No, no. Let me try again.
It seems like yesterday we met for the first time and then it seems like we have been together FOREVER! There have been days when he is just a few minutes late and I think my heart will burst inside if I don't see him soon! There have also been times when I can understand why women run over their husbands with a car. (Don't worry. The way I drive he could lie down in front of my tires and I'd still miss him.) I have to say that in 18 years we have had a LOT more good days than bad. So I sit here asking myself: How did that happen? Why do I smile even now thinking about the day all our kids are grown and gone and it's just the two of us? I can only think of a few reasons:
- From
day one we always make sure the other knows we love them. In
18 years there has never been a day that Steve left for work and didn't kiss
me
good-bye. Even when I'd been up all night with a crying baby and I was
finally sleeping, he'd kiss me good-bye. (I didn't always appreciate
it then, but I do now. Sorry honey! I truly appreciate it now!)
We also say "I love you" every day. We decided early in our marriage that if the unthinkable happened and one of us died in our sleep or died coming home from work, the other one would not spend days or years regretting they never said, "I love you." So he knows and I know. We are loved!
- We keep God
in the center of our marriage and our lives. I had to learn
this one. Steve can't meet all my needs, but God can. What a load of
pressure off my husband when I finally figured that out!
When we did have young children and it was all I could do to function, Steve would share what he had been learning in his devotion time. There were days I resented him for this. I wanted to have my own quiet time. But every time it got quiet, I fell asleep! Learning from what Steve was learning was not as good as getting it for myself, but in those trying times it kept me going and encouraged me to get back to my quiet times.
Just a few years ago, God revealed to me to pray for passion in our marriage. I'll admit I fought it for a while. A good marriage should have that, why pray for it? When I finally swallowed my pride and realized Jesus said in the book of John "Without me you can do NOTHING," I started praying for passion and for God to show me how to love Steve more. What a difference it has made in our marriage!
- We make time for each other. This
has been the hardest lesson to learn. Especially
when the kids started coming. We had heard couples need date nights. Let
me emphasize it again. You need date nights. Even if it's not out to eat.
Just send the kids out and stay home together. Make time
for each other. When you do get that time TALK, TALK, TALK. Talk
about your hopes, dreams, discouragements, frustrations. Everything. Even
if you are not a talker, learn to talk. You need that time to stay in touch
with each other.
- Last, but not least, keep learning about marriage and each other. We read books or take classes to learn everything from ant farming to zoo keeping, but we rarely read books on how to keep a marriage going. Make it a point to read one Christian book on marriage a year or go to a couple's retreat. You never know when you'll find out after all these years that your spouse LOVES Captain Crunch! (Inside joke.)
So that's basically it. Why after 18 years, I love Steve more than the day we married. Why if he doesn't get home soon, I'm going to eat his sandwich and he'll forgive me. Why I can't wait to see what the next 18 has in store for us. Why I KNOW, marriage is a gift from God!
