Husband, heal thyself
I once mentioned my friend Kenny in a post that focused on how Christian men can encourage one another. Recognizing the need for and the absence of such encouragement in the lives of many men, Kenny recently started up a men's ministry at our church. I asked him to write a guest post for The Happy Husband and offer encouragement to other husbands who read this site. — Curt
"I have more trouble with D. L. Moody than any other man I know." Those were the words of an evangelist used greatly by God named Dwight L. Moody.
You may be wondering what on earth does that have to do with marriage? The response is that it has volumes to do with marriage. Before I met with my wife and entered into a marital relationship, one of the statements I heard often was that marriage is hard and requires a lot of work. The spirit in which it was stated carried somewhat of a regretful tone to it. Because I heard it stated many times and by people, I've come to realize that many spouses feel that marriage is difficult due to the complexity or shortcomings of their spouse.
When I married my wife on September 7, 2002, I felt that I married the most incredible woman God ever created, and I'm still convinced of it. However, since that time I've grown to realize that incredible and perfection are two separate topics of discussion. I can say with certainty that she is not perfect, and at times her imperfections irritate me. But her imperfections are not the reasons that I would say that marriage is difficult or is a lot of work.
The most challenging obstacle that I face in marriage everyday is ME. Like my wife, I am imperfect and I'm sure my imperfections contribute to the complexity and hardship that arise in our relationship. I'm not narrow-minded enough to believe that our marriage would be significantly better if she would make certain modifications in her behavior that could reduce my irritability. Our marriage can change for the better when I attack my imperfections fearlessly. To do this, I must be willing to come to a place of honesty about my areas of weakness that do contribute to the labor and challenge of our marriage. I'm convinced that when two people in a martial relationship endorse this way of thinking, the amount of conflict is reduced and resolving conflict becomes less challenging.
I'd like to remind you that your spouse is not your enemy. God's design for marriage is that two become one flesh before him. They are to cleave together spiritually, physically, and emotionally. So often in marriage we can function in a divided state by allowing the imperfections of our spouse to shape the outlook we have of them. The key is to focus on your own imperfections and make whatever change is needed that is for the better.
In closing, when you retire from insisting that your spouse must change in order for your marriage to get better and begin addressing your imperfections, you will find that your spouse will be more open to addressing their imperfections as well.
God's richest blessings upon your marriage,
His servant,
Kenny Morgan
