Keep the faith
Miss O'Hara published several thought provoking posts over the past week that I have wanted to comment on, but Xanga's commenting system makes me crazy. I have my own blog, though, so I'll leave my comments here.
In the post Not Sure I'm Surprised, Miss O'Hara weighs in against a new reality show currently being proposed by Emmy-nominated producers. It will focus on people who use an online matchmaking service that caters to married people seeking affair partners. She says, among other things (read it all), "No one seems to have any concept of true faithfulness to their spouse, and I find this profoundly distressing and hope-stealing. This proposed show is just one more knock against that which God Himself set up to be an earthly example of His love for us, and also a haven and a comfort to us."
I'm sure her language is more a reflection of her mood than her knowledge. I know she reads this site periodically, so she knows it's not true that "no one has a concept of true faithfulness," but I understand her reaction. I started this blog almost out of desperation because marriage seems to have lost all meaning in modern America. I see marriages fall apart all around me and miserable marriages persist without improvement. Modern attitudes seem to suggest that you can be either married or happy, but not both. Even though such sentiments are demonstrably untrue, you'd never know it from watching our popular media.
The lack of love on display in this world discouraged me for a long time. A couple of years before I got married, I finally reached a point where I was able to sweep it all away and say, "That's the world. That's everybody else. That's not me, and that's not God. Even if every marriage in the world falls apart, even if no other couple remains loving until death, that doesn't dictate my life. My marriage will depend only on me, my wife, and God. Statistics don't apply." Fortunately, not every marriage falls apart, and many couples do love each other until death. We're not alone. That's another reason I started this blog—to show everyone who visits here that marriage is possible…and wonderful.
When Miss O'Hara wrote the post On
literature. Sort of., she must have been
having a very bad day. She zeroed in on the new Bridget Jones book/movie
and on the words of a New York Times reviewer: "I suppose what some
women like about Bridget Jones is that the character feeds the cherished
fantasy
that
some
one (some man) will love them for who they are inside, never mind the squishy
bits." Her response: "I hate to break it to ya'll, but men don't love women
for 'who they are inside.' …Men are visual. It is a fantasy
to think otherwise. Take it from someone who knows, peeps. I've learned the
hard way what counts.
Sheeee. To believe otherwise is…well, stupid."
Her bad day was made somewhat worse by commenters jumping all over her for that. I certainly don't want to make things any worse by leveling harsh criticism. I would, however, like to offer some encouragement.
It's true that a lot of men care more about a woman's physical aspects than her personality, spirituality, emotions, needs, and dreams. On the other hand, it's also true that a lot of women can't abide the thought of having a loving, caring, considerate boyfriend/husband, preferring instead men who behave badly and mistreat them or—as the women sometimes say—"present a challenge." I feel a great deal of pity for those men and women. As long as they hold those attitudes, they will never know any contentment or joy in a relationship. Until they lose the attitudes, though, they deserve each other. Good riddance to them. They may outnumber the decent (one might say "real") men and women, but there are still plenty of us out here. We're just a little harder to find.
I'd also like to point out that no man truly loves a woman for how she looks on the outside. It is a fundamental impossibility. If a man loves a woman, it can only be for "who she is on the inside." And looks are not as important as the fashion industry would like us to believe. True, men are visual, and women who are visually appealing tend to draw our attention more than those who are visually appalling. But I have known many women throughout my life who I found to be plain or even ugly upon first meeting them, only to have my perception of them change as I got to know them more. Some of my mousiest, most awkward and unfortunate-looking acquaintances have grown into stark raving beauties without changing anything about their appearance. I know that the hackneyed phrase "It's what's inside that counts" might be the most condescending thing a person can say to a woman whose appearance would offend all of Hollywood, but in many ways it's true.
I said this once before in this space, but it bears repeating. Pretty is what men like to look at. Attractive is what men want to be with. Beauty is what men want to look at, be with, and serve for a lifetime. My wife is the only beautiful woman I know, and she grows more beautiful every day. I think every husband should be able to say the same thing.
Anyway, that's my longwinded way of saying, "Take heart, Miss O'Hara. Don't buy into what you see on TV. We do live in a hostile world, but true love and romance are alive and well."
