Counseling
In Saturday's marriage links, I mentioned a post from Totem to Temple questioning the motives of pastors who refuse to officiate a wedding unless the couple has gone through a specified amount of counseling. He (or she—I'm not sure) comes to the conclusion: "I think the motives behind the entire concept of 'marriage counseling' are not forthright and do not benefit the married couple. Instead, it benefits the pastor by decreasing his guilt is the marriage fails." I disagree. I have never heard of a pastor refusing to recognize the marriage of a couple who did not go through premarital counseling. I don't think any pastor would say such a marriage is invalid or unbiblical, only that they won't be part of tying the knot.
The Rev. Donald Sensing wrote once that "...We do not set any other prior conditions for receiving the sacrament, so it seems to me pretty pharisaic to set more stringent standards for holding a wedding. But I do not demand, I only offer. If a couple declines to accept my counsel and does not wish to fall under my pastoral care, okay. I wish them well and offer them my prayers. I am not a 'wedding mercenary,' so if there is no agreement between us, then we discover that pretty soon."
Mrs. Happy and I went through eight weeks of premarital counseling with a psychologist/family therapist who was a Christian. At the time, we both had the emotional maturity necessary for getting married. We did not, however, have the experience necessary for dealing with the deep emotional conflicts that would arise after we actually began living together. Our counselor equipped us with the insights we would need when that happened. He also helped us discover areas of conflict that we were unaware of, and he helped us resolve them.
Our pastor required premarital counseling of couples whom he married. He didn't believe counseling to be a Biblical mandate—just a good idea. Fact is, most young couples are as unequipped as we were for marriage, since older generations have sort of given up on setting a healthy example and preparing younger generations for life in the real world. A good counselor can really help prepare a man and woman to make it work. Counseling does not ensure success, of course (just as Driver's Education does not eliminate traffic violations), but it does help, especially when a couple doesn't understand that they need it. That's where a pastor's counseling requirement can make the difference between a wedding that joins a couple ready for marriage and a wedding that resembles a jump off the high dive when neither party knows how to swim.
