What's good in a wife?
In a post today, Miss O'Hara linked to a post by Elena at Pretty Green Polka-Dotted Sky that asks about good qualities for a wife to have. She has specific questions for single guys and married guys. I've been both single and married, and my perspective changed quite a bit in the transition. I think most men do have a sort of checklist for attributes they want in a wife. I certainly did. These are some of the qualities I used to look for in a wife when I was single:
- strong domestic skills
- a family that's saner than mine*
- a good career with better earning potential than mine (which was journalism at the time)
- intellectual ability (measured by SAT scores) equal to or greater than my own
- sex drive approximately equal to mine
- solid organizational skills
- tall, blonde, big-breasted, and/or Asian (in any combination)
- well versed in the arts
- proficient at needlework
- surprised at nothing
Looking back, I realize that most of my requirements indicated insecurities about my own life. I knew my own shortcomings, and I wanted to marry out of them rather than tackle them myself. My list blinded me for a long time and kept me from recognizing the innate value in individuals who didn't match up. Out of the thirteen "requirements" on my list, Mrs. Happy met two. I've come to realize that the other 11 don't really matter as much as I thought (though she actually has developed a few of them), but wow am I thankful for those specific two. Additionally, these are some of her qualities that make me mind-blowingly happy (also see my list of Reasons I Love My Wife):
- emotional intelligence and insight
- strong intuition about the needs of others
- a desire to serve and make the world better
- an understanding of my sense of humor
- a completely silly sense of humor all her own
- unending love for an insane family, both hers and mine
- passion for life
I prayed a lot in my single days, asking God to bring a certain kind of woman into my life. He looked beyond the request and filled the need. The woman He paired me with is nothing like what I wanted, but rather exactly what I needed. And wow am I thankful for that.
* I have since learned that my family is really not all that insane in the context of the rest of the world. Every family has its own troubles. Mrs. Happy and I both are fortunate and blessed to come from troubled families that overflow with love.
