What now?
"God's timing is impeccable, isn't it?" That's what my pastor said to me when I told him the news. Less than two weeks after losing my job, I find out that a child will soon enter this world and depend on me for its every need. One lesson I have had to learn repeatedly throughout my life is that I control nothing and must therefore rely entirely on God the way a baby will one day rely on me. If that's what my pastor meant by "impeccable timing," he was right. This is just about the strongest lesson in faith and trust that God has ever given me. I just hope this time it sinks in.
So if all goes well, I'm going to be a daddy. Right now I have a pregnant wife and no job. It seems like that should upset me, but it doesn't. I kind of feel like I should be more worried, but I'm not. I just can't feel bad right now. All I can do is look at my wife, who is more beautiful than ever, and feel more affection toward her than ever. I'm already surprised at my capacity for unconditional love. Just knowing that my child is roughly the size of a raspberry is enough to inspire a desperate love. I'm praying over my baby, singing to my baby, and crying over my baby even before my wife is showing any visible signs of its existence. I fear that the actual, physical presence of this tiny human being in nine months or so will reduce me to a useless, quivering pile of emotion.
Do I feel ready for this? No. But everyone tells me that no one ever feels ready. I feel like a three-year-old with car keys—an excited three-year-old with car keys. I don't know the first thing about what I'm getting into, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be the funnest thing I've ever done.
I expected people to be excited about my announcement yesterday. I expected to hear some congratulations and well wishes. I did not expect anyone to be confused about the nature of the picture. I, personally, would never brush my teeth with anything that had the words Pregnant and Not Pregnant printed on it. I wonder about my friends/readers sometimes.
